February 12, 2008 at 12:41 am 2 comments

     Back to the stages of grief….    

     Last year was terrible as we lived far away from family, we were all sick constantly, C had a horrible school situation, and we couldn’t find therapists. I was stressed to my limit, and finally broke down and saw a psychotherapist myself. When I told her I thought I was depressed, she laughed and said “Of course you are depressed – I’d be worried about you if you weren’t!” What a relief to come across someone who thought this was absolutely normal given the situation. I had never thought about it in that way, and wondered if perhaps I was overreacting. Having someone objective acknowledge the stress of what we’ve been through gave me the strength to start moving beyond it.

     I still struggle with bad days, and have come to realize that my bad days often coincide with C’s bad days. I try very hard not to make HIS bad days coincide with MY bad days. I know people think kids with autism don’t notice other’s feelings, but I don’t find that to always be the case. With C, it’s not that he doesn’t recognize how others are feeling sometimes, but rather he internalizes how others are feeling to such an extent that doesn’t really know how to cope. He is very reactive, and sometimes I think he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , .

The Gift Acceptance

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. hfamom  |  February 12, 2008 at 2:37 am

    I’ve struggled with depression too… Paxil helped for a while and I finally quit my job to focus on what’s most important– J. I stay really busy and have lots of projects going so I don’t have time to dwell.

    Autism isn’t emotion free… J wipes my tears and plays with my hair when I loose it. He’s really sweet about it– and I never blame him for making me cry. I don’t think they don’t feel– it’s just harder for Autistic folks to express emotion. I believe it’s there…

    Hang in there, D– maybe you’ll get chocolate for Valentine’s Day!

    I absolutely DO believe the emotion is there. We went through a period of C asking what this feeling felt like and what that feeling felt like. It was SO difficult to describe to him!

  • 2. hfamom  |  February 12, 2008 at 3:05 am

    Wow! I can’t come up with explanations of feelings that don’t involve using an emotion word! Really cool that C was trying to understand!

    He sounds like a curious fella– play date if we’re ever in the same State? 🙂

    Yup, it was a tough conversation. I was reminded of the scene from the old movie “Mask” where Eric Stolz’s character is trying to describe color to a woman with no sight. DEFINITELY play date. Wouldn’t that be fun?


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