There is no off switch

June 26, 2008 at 7:35 pm 3 comments

     There are two times when I don’t feel like I’m “on” with C. When he is somewhere with Daddy, or when he is somewhere with Ga (that would be Grandma, a hangover word from when he couldn’t say “Grandma”). The rest of the time I feel like I am “on” in some way. Even at night, given our continued use of a baby monitor.

     School is no different; I dread the ringing of the phone. He is sick, he has eaten something he’s allergic to, or he’s finally sung “Brick House” (one of his favorites) to the principal and has been kicked out of school.

     This child is a constant. I suspect, like my mother has sometimes gently suggested, that I am at times a bit too wrapped up in C. I freely admit to losing any sense of self after having C, and am now working very hard to regain it. Yet my answer to that comment, and to myself when I start to think about it, is “How could I have done it any other way?” As parents, we all just do what needs doing, and I firmly believe C needed my full and undivided attention. It’s not a sacrifice, it just is.         

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , .

Eyes behind ya Needles in a haystack

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. FXSmom  |  June 27, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    You are right. We all do what our kids need us to do. They won’t be there forever and as time goes we will regain ourselves. This is only temporary. It is what a good mom does 🙂

    Thanks, friend!

  • 2. robinaltman  |  June 29, 2008 at 7:12 am

    I don’t think you’re too wrapped up in C. I think it’s what he needs (to quote a blog I know). I was reading Dr. Liane Leedom’s book on raising vulnerable kids (vulnerable in another way than C), and she described a mom who quit her job to stay home with her son. She’s convinced that’s why he’s developing into such a nice young man. (This particular kid had genetic loading for sociopathy.) A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. You’re awesome.

    Thanks, Robin. Given your profession, your approval means a lot. 🙂

  • 3. looksgoodinpolkadots  |  June 30, 2008 at 8:46 am

    I want an off switch… can we buy one somewhere. Maybe Home Depot carries the part!

    I can’t say I’m ever off… even when the kids are with Daddy, I feel the need to call and check in, make sure everyone’s fed and alive. Not sure why… Oregon Dad is a master.

    We are seriously considering home school this fall… I worry about my sanity. At least when they are in school, I only have to do so much. But then, maybe having them at home will be better for my sanity because I will know exactly what’s going on and who is eating what.

    Wondering if this does get better when they grow up. Or do we just switch modes… do they have enough money, are there groceries in the fridge, are they making good choices, good friends, etc… *sigh*.

    I think about homeschool often, but know that I’d be terrible at it. But every once in awhile I give it serious consideration.

    Not sure about growing up. I do worry less these days than I used to – mostly because his health has improved so much, but I still wonder about the big picture too. I suppose it’s exactly what all parents go through, but magnified a bit, huh?


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