I’m okay with it

September 30, 2008 at 5:36 am 6 comments

     During C’s K year, we had a terrible year and had to pull C out of one school mid-year and start another. All of us were sick constantly, and C was the worst. Too much free time spent in the bathroom at school landed him with monthly bouts of diarrhea and one trip to the ER after a night of vomiting every 10-15 minutes for 8 hours straight. It was an awful year, and it couldn’t end soon enough.

     Part way through the year, I sought counsel from a therapist who didn’t do the usual, “And how does that make you feel?” Instead, it was more of a dialogue between us, with Barbe showing her understanding by saying, “Well of course you are depressed, who wouldn’t be?” I needed a break, I needed to focus on myself for awhile, and frankly, I needed some help. She proved the answer to all three of those things.

     One thing Barbe asked me to do was make a list of how I could get out of my current situation. What could I do to make it better? As I listened to her describe the exercise, my mind was swimming with possibilities. The list would be pages long, I thought. However, when I sat down to write it out, I only came up with three. The first, completely unreasonable, was “Write and publish a book, make a zillion dollars and hire a nanny.” It was completely unreasonable to me because I couldn’t imagine anyone else picking up C from school. How could I justify giving away precious hours in the day to someone else? I’m his Mom, and he needs me. And I need him.

     The second, which we’ve done, was “move back to family.” Back near willing and able grandparents has proven key in our escaping occasionally for brief respites. Ga and Pa take C to therapy appointments sometimes, and have him spend the night every once in awhile. It’s never enough (could they just move in???), and they do have busy lives of their own, but every little bit helps.

     The third and most powerful idea has been the one that dances through my mind continuously. I have been on various paths through accepting what is while not giving up on helping C be the best and happiest C he can be. I’ve never thought accepting meant giving in or giving up, but I’ve come to a better peace and understanding about what is since writing the answers to that question. The last answer to the question of how to get out of my situation? “Get okay with being in.”

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

It’s over It is what it is

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. looksgoodinpolkadots  |  September 30, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    LC and I had a difficult morning today… maybe your list is in order.

    Thanks for sharing, I thought that somehow once I knew what was going on with LC it would magically get easier. Heh. Guess that’s a pipe dream. 🙂

    I can understand that – I think it’s perfectly normal to respond that way. As you posted the other day, at least you understand her better, and that will help a lot in the long run. You’ll have all kinds of AHA! moments. And in many ways, you guys are very much at the beginning of the road, even though you knew something was going on for some time now. It’s definitely a process. I don’t know if it gets easier or if you just get better at dealing with things, but I definitely feel more peaceful with it all now. At least most of the time. 😉

  • 2. robinaltman  |  September 30, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    That makes total sense to me. It’s sort of like the “Aspie” movement, where teens and adults with Aspergers are saying, “If there are enough of us, then we’re another norm, so accept us and stop whining.” (My paraphrase.) So, C might never be totally like other kids, but as long as he’s happy and functional, it could be OK. Accepting it is practically a cure.

    My kids are being the biggest weenies today, so the concept of normalcy is not that appealing to me.

    I think you hit the nail on the head. And frankly, I wouldn’t want C to be like other kids. He’s too fun how is IS. That’s not to say there aren’t horrible, painful, terrible, awful moments. But I’m glad to say there are more on the other side now. And happy and functional? I can live with that. Happy is the biggest.

    Honestly, I’ve always wondered what I would do with a “typical” child or if I would have any idea how to raise one. I’m pretty sure I’d be clueless! LOL!

  • 3. goodmum  |  September 30, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    I hope to one day have the same kind of peace that you have now. This was a really moving post. Thank you for sharing your list of questions AND your answers. 🙂

    Well, the peace is admittedly, fleeting! It comes and goes. But I keep finding that list in my planner, which is where it has been for 2 years now. It’s a good reminder when I need it!

  • 4. embracingspirit  |  September 30, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    ohhh WOW! Very well said, and it really IS about being ok with what IS…..it is a journey and a process. Each step of the journey provides us with lessons. Finding the greatness in what IS has been freeing for me. I would not be the person I am without my steps on the journey. Thanks for sharing. Peace to you, S

    Very well said to you too!

  • 5. mama mara  |  September 30, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    Write that book, and I’ll be in line for the first copy.

    I’ll save ya’ one. 😉

  • 6. Good Fountain  |  October 5, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Great post, Darcy. It’s very important to accept what is, as is. It’s something that flows constantly through my mind too.

    Thanks, friend. Our brains are full, no? 😉


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