Just a Mom

February 2, 2009 at 10:39 pm 7 comments

     In my days as a mother to this particular child, I wear lots of hats. I’m often playing special education teacher, doing my best to impart whatever skills I think C might need to make it in this world. Or I’m playing manager, helping him organize his weekly homework into a calendar so it will all get done. I’m really good at being an occupational therapist, working with him on how to put away laundry so his muscle memory will overcome motor planning challenges. And I try very hard to be a good behaviorist, facilitating a playdate so he learns in real time how to be a good friend.

     All too often, these roles overpower the most important one, the one I feel like I get to do the least. Whether it’s just hanging out with C with no agenda whatsoever, or playing a game without trying to make it a teachable moment, it’s rare I get to be “just a Mom.” Those times of no extra hats on my head are too few and far between.

     So tonight when I realized I had been in my home office, working alone for quite some time, I wondered what was happening in the rest of the house. I wandered out into the living room and saw Husband and C, side by side on the couch, watching last night’s Super Bowl on the DVR. I backed quietly out of the room and left them in peace. I’m hoping Husband is enjoying being just a Dad.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , .

World View C-isms, Part XII

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Holly's Mom  |  February 3, 2009 at 3:52 am

    I hope you find time for more mom moments they are precious.

  • 2. mama mara  |  February 3, 2009 at 8:37 am

    It’s so easy to get caught up in all the stuff, isn’t it? Thanks for the reminder!

  • 3. therocchronicles  |  February 3, 2009 at 9:23 am

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I try to figure out ways to help the Roc succeed. I wonder what those “other moms” feel when they look at their children effortlessly mastering things it takes my son so many repetitions to conquer. And then I wonder if I push too hard and if the Roc gets to feel like “just a kid.” ya know?

    SUCH a tricky balance. For so long we were doing so many therapies, but they were fun for C, so I’m glad we did them. But now? I try to find other ways to get that therapy in. No more PT, but gymnastics instead, you know? But I’m still trying to help him. I think it depends on their age. And frankly, some things we’ve just stopped pushing. And the school is going to have to FIGHT me about cursive writing when that comes up – what a waste of time…

    Anyway, I digress. 🙂

  • 4. pixiemama  |  February 3, 2009 at 11:28 am

    You know, sometimes I think that along with a diagnosis, the dx must have handed us a brain wave… something that changed the way we look at everything. Helping your kiddo get dressed now means you are addressing personal care. Going to school? Transitioning. Playing with Play Doh? Fine motor skills.

    Ugh. It’s all there, and it’s all quality time with the kids. It’s just the filter through which we see it. I’d like to do away with that, so I can just have unfiltered fun. Please.

    “Unfiltered fun” is my new motto! LOL! What a great way to put it! Seriously, though, you are exactly right. I think we get so caught up in the teachable moments, and that does serve our kids well, but we need to step back from that sometimes.

  • 5. goodmum  |  February 3, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Wow, there’s so much truth in this. We spend so much of our time trying to get our kids diagnosed, trying to get them the help they need, giving them a lot of that help ourselves, worrying about what their futures will be like….ugh. Those “just a mom” moments are that much more precious though, aren’t they?

    It’s true – I love it when I catch myself just having fun with him without any purpose whatsoever. Those moments are the best.

  • 6. robinaltman  |  February 3, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    It’s so true! It’s hard when you feel your time has to be “productive”. Just hanging around doing nothing is productive in it’s own way. We all forget that.

    It’s true. As parents of these kids, we are taught that every moment is a teachable one. I’ve sort of bought into that, and it has served a purpose, but along the way it’s overcrowded the just hanging around thing. I need to work on that!

  • 7. Becky  |  February 3, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    How can this child not succeed surrounded by people who care so much.

    That’s the plan, Mrs. C, that’s the plan…


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