On the eve of 40

April 7, 2009 at 5:40 am 7 comments

     Lately I’ve been hit with a lot of “existential wonderment,” for lack of a better term. Whether it’s because I’m about to turn 40, or because of the death of a friend who seemed larger than life itself, or because my not-so-new normal seems to be more like crisis management 101, I’m feeling a bit off my edge. I’ve cried more in the last six weeks than I have in the last six years, and I’m not sure I like being in that place. After waking up several weeks ago convinced I was having a heart attack (I wasn’t, I actually pulled a muscle in my back, but it still scared me), I realized I needed to put my head down, get through this, and chill out.

     And in the way only C can do, he helped me gain some clarity. As he hopped in the car at school pick-up one afternoon following a pretty rough day of bad news for me, he said, “Oh, bad day, Mom.” His downturned mouth completed the emotional package of sad (so well-taught in emotional how-to is he) as he continued his story. “Really bad news from Room 206. Someone in that class killed a ladybug today.”

     As I thought about his bad news compared to mine, I had to stifle a smile.  I remembered one of my worst days as a child, a day when I accidentally killed a butterfly. No less traumatic for me was that event, at that time, than what’s been going on around here lately, at this time. I am astounded once again that C, in all his glory as a kid, is the one to teach me something in his gentle little reminder that it’s all about perspective.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , .

C-isms XIV Monday Mumbers (but it’s Wednesday!?!?)

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. goodmum  |  April 7, 2009 at 6:42 am

    Aw, I ‘m sorry you’re so blue. I do think it’s wonderful that C brings you some clarity, though. Where would we be without our special kids, huh?

  • 2. pixiemama  |  April 7, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Me too with the blue. Go do lots of stuff for yourself. Buy new jeans, a coffeemaker…do something you wouldn’t normally do for yourself. I know, that retail therapy high only lasts so long, but it’s really good while it lasts. 🙂

    C’s perspective is spot on. You know where I stand on the whole religion issue, but I’m going to tell you my very FAVORITE words from the bible: it came to pass.

    They used that phrase a lot in there. And I love them. I use them all the time in my little anxiety-riddled brain. It sounds better to me than the slightly more pedantic “This too shall pass.”

    You know where to find me if you need a shoulder or a laugh.


  • 3. pixiemama  |  April 7, 2009 at 7:36 am

    it – I meant it, not them.
    it, the phrase.
    headache incoherence
    forgive me.

  • 4. looksgoodinpolkadots  |  April 7, 2009 at 8:21 am

    The perspective of children… It’s a beautiful place to be.

    I’m sorry to hear your having a rough time. Grab onto whatever life vest you can and keep yourself a float.

    When dealing with tragedy, I do best by confronting what must be done… Staying busy helps keep me from weighing down in the sad.


  • 5. therocchronicles  |  April 7, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Oh man, sorry to hear about all the tears in the last few weeks. I do hope you feel better soon-take care of yourself. That’s something I’m trying to work on more lately. I like what pixiemama said: It came to pass.

    Hope you have a nice birthday-treat yourself to a margarita! (or 3)

  • 6. mom-nos  |  April 7, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    you gotta love ’em….they are just what we need when we need it!

  • 7. robinaltman  |  April 7, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    I’m so sorry life is going through a bummer time. Here’s hoping that it gets better soon.

    I can’t believe some kid killed a ladybug! That’s terrible!


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