I Yam What I Yam

September 22, 2009 at 6:19 am 8 comments

     When I was growing up, I always wanted to move somewhere new. We lived in the same house from the time I was one year old until my parents moved to Arizona 35 years later. Bored with my small town, I fantasized about being the new girl in school just about every year when school started. I wanted to reinvent myself, become someone new, and change personalities like a chameleon changes its color.

     College, and subsequent multiple moves after marriage, afforded me that chance to morph into a new person. I could be in a place where I knew not a soul, and be whomever I wanted to be. Yet now, facing the possibility of yet another move, I wonder what this new place will bring. Should I become the ever-patient mother who befriends everyone and bakes fabulous gluten free/casein free cookies for all the neighbors? Should I turn into that Mom who knows everything about autism and is the resource for all the other moms? Should I be the cool Mom who always has kids running through the house because they all want to hang at our place?

     What I have found, however (and I won’t tell you how many moves it took me to figure this out, but I’m working on double digits here), is that wherever I go, the old me follows. I’m still the slightly frazzled, pretty tired, mostly good Mom who is trying (not always successfully) to do right by her kid, husband, and self. No new personalities that don’t really fit, no new ability to magically become June Cleaver (even though subconsciously she must be my ideal), and no new “cool factor” that I’ve never really possessed before.

     I’m just always me. Just me.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

C-isms XVII Friendships anonymous

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. FXSmom  |  September 22, 2009 at 7:54 am

    so very true but it is a lesson we can only achieve from experiencing. And there is nothing wrong with being “just me.” 🙂

  • 2. therocchronicles  |  September 22, 2009 at 11:36 am

    oh-I understand this. I moved out of state after college and then moved across the country a year later. I liked the feeling when I was driving around with my out of state plates like a badge “I’m not from here! I’m someone new!!” I still have that desire and I still feel that I probably don’t belong here – even though my plates are in state now. My husband and I have talked about leaving this place many, many, many times but it’s hard to figure out the best place to go…and the longer I stay here the deeper these roots are growing! Where are you moving too? A new state?

  • 3. mama edge  |  September 22, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    I’ve never moved from my home town, and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to pull up stakes and reinvent myself.

    But June Cleaver? No way: I’d be Roseanne, fo’ sho’.

    I like “just you”, by the way. Don’t change a thang (except maybe move to the Midwest so we can be neighbors!).

  • 4. goodfountain  |  September 22, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    We would be great friends! The tired and frazzled (not matter how slight) unite!

    I have moved a lotta lot myself, and I’m finally starting to accept that I too am who I am. Not gonna change much.

  • 5. goodmum  |  September 23, 2009 at 10:53 am

    And that is enough, my dear. More than enough. 🙂

  • 6. lynnes  |  September 23, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    I think it’s fantastic that you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin. Good luck with your move!

  • 7. Kathie  |  September 26, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Are you moving? Details, please. Haven’t been here lately. Glad to catch up on you and C!

  • 8. pixiemama  |  September 30, 2009 at 9:20 am

    Yes, I too am reminded of this, when hashing out the details of how/when to move our entire family across the country simply because I would rather be THERE than here. You know the old Winnie the Pooh saying, no? “Wherever I go, there I am.” I have thought of this each time I have moved, too. New town, same me.

    Tell me, you wouldn’t happen to be considering the Pacific Northwest, would you?


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