A Pain in My…

October 21, 2018 at 7:56 pm 6 comments

This past week, I’ve been struck down – and I mean down – with a severe case of shingles. I’m not even telling you where, but imagine the worst possible place one could experience this most painful of diseases and then light it on fire. Yup.

I have had a lot of time to think. And cry. And overthink. And not think at all because it hurts too much. Yet I landed on one thing: things with C used to be more fun. I remembered, reading through the whole of What We Need, how entertaining he was. How charming. Cute. Funny. I also remember worrying that if we didn’t get his elementary school tantrums under control, teenage C would be scary.

I was right.

I do recognize C’s tantrums now are much like his tantrums then, except on a grander scale and with far more serious consequences. We have listened to mental health practitioners and juvenile justice officers tell us that he needs more help before he turns 18, because everything changes then. Police officers won’t sit and calmly try to talk him off the figurative ledge, they’ll just put him in the back of the car and take him away. And if we aren’t with him when something happens? They won’t know he has autism and mental health issues – they’ll just think he’s being aggressive and violent. My greatest fear, if I’m honest, is that he’ll end up in the “system.” Because at some point, he won’t be here, or we won’t be here, and someone won’t understand.

So C is somewhere – a state away, in fact – getting that help. Or at least we hope so. We won’t really know until he comes home, around the time he turns 18. He will have been gone seven months at that time. He is in a place with other kids with ASD, and he sounds like he is thriving when we speak with him. While I can’t speak for Hubs, sending C away was both the hardest and the easiest decision I have ever made.

What I am still waiting to see is if it was the best decision.


Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

A Life Worth Living Un-simple Minds

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Scott  |  October 23, 2018 at 9:31 am

    Calvin, now 24, lives with his mom. Neither has a firm plan for his future. Believe me, you and C have the only reasonable solution. He has the advantage of professional care; you have the advantage of loving him, without the angst of your own powerlessness.

    • 2. asdmommy  |  October 23, 2018 at 12:18 pm

      You summed it up well, as you usually do. 💙

  • 3. Scott J Baird  |  October 23, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    thirty years ago, I was a guinea hen in the San Antonio Medical Center testing of the shingles. I was given the real shot, not a placebo. Nonetheless, I was viciously attacked by the shingles, ten years later. My entire right side, waist to the top of my head. Out for three weeks.
    At that time, the shots were only 50% effective.
    The itching was intolerable. But I bought my first Kindle, to while away the time.

    • 4. asdmommy  |  October 23, 2018 at 12:16 pm

      It has been wicked to say the least. I’m just starting to feel as much itch as pain…what a terrible disease. 😟

  • 5. Esther Gorgol  |  October 26, 2018 at 10:34 am

    Think of you and dear C often. Positive thoughts and blessings coming your way.

    • 6. asdmommy  |  October 27, 2018 at 8:10 pm

      Ditto…best PT he ever had, and nicest person on top of that!

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