Make new friends, but keep the old

January 6, 2019 at 4:15 pm 5 comments

If you have kids, you know that a lot of the time you make your friends through your children. For us, that meant we didn’t have a lot of friends when C was growing up, because he didn’t have a lot of friends. I can count on one hand the number of close friends I have had since C was born, and two of them I have been fortunate to see while visiting my parents this holiday.

J was C’s habilitation worker when he was in early elementary school. She was often the only other adult I would interact with in a given day besides Hubs, and C would get jealous when she and I would chat for too long. Even though we moved away long ago, J remains a light in our lives.

The other friend I met online before we moved to this town I am now visiting. R was the head of a special needs group that I contacted before we arrived. We happened to be standing next to each other on the first day of school pick-up, both anxiously awaiting our boys’ faces coming down the hall. We chatted for a moment before somehow figuring out we already sort of knew each other, and a friendship was born.

Our boys, both on the spectrum, are to this day quite different. We tried to make them friends, but I suspect C’s boisterousness and constant chatter annoyed the heck out of B (believe me, B, I get it). There were times R and I said to each other in the same moment, “I can’t believe they have the same diagnosis.” Still, we managed to find common ground. Years later, when I am fortunate enough to see R, we pick up right where we left off. Most of the time we are talking about our boys, and while their challenges are different, there are random little similarities that bring us together in our understanding.

Being back in this little town always makes me nostalgic. Had we stayed past C being in 4th grade, would he be attending the local high school or would we be driving him to the big city over the hill to a different school? Would C have a level of comfort he does not have now? Would he, with a support system we have not had since we left here, have experienced things differently than he has? Would we all have?

I guess I’ll never know the answers to those questions. But what I do know is that I will always miss those two friendships I have not been able to replicate since we moved away.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , .

Focus Clearing the mind

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mark Kent  |  January 6, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    it would help you a great deal too take part in research
    i have aspergers and m.e .
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  • 2. Becky Carpenter  |  January 6, 2019 at 9:41 pm

    Thank God you did form a lasting relationship with these friends. It seems that when either of you needed someone, you could trust one another even if you didn’t see them often. I know some people with special needs children over the years and often they ere surrounded by people with whom they have grown up, and they still feel lonely. It doesn’t seem to matter if the special needs issues are emotional, medical. Take care, my friends.

    • 3. asdmommy  |  January 7, 2019 at 1:11 pm

      All true. It can be very isolating. I feel like I’m emerging from a cocoon now that he is older. I am very thankful for the friends I’ve made over the years…including you, my pseudo-MIL. 💙

  • 4. Wendy  |  January 11, 2019 at 11:20 am

    D, I am so happy to find you writing again! Blogging. I have been thinking so much about you and your C. It’s not often that I know what happens to students years after my time with them. I am praying daily for you and your family. I have fond memories of C but I have to mention that the incident you blogged about on 11-1-10 haunts me as well. Please know that I would never have allowed that to happen – I just didn’t know what that person planned. I have given many successful talks to classrooms about their fellow students. I am so sorry that caused you such grief and pain. That teacher is now teaching Kinder and I know she would say the same. We both loved C and your family and wanted the best for you. Anyway, I am sending love and blessing your way, ~WB from AZ

    • 5. asdmommy  |  January 12, 2019 at 7:19 pm

      Wendy! Ohmygosh it’s been forever!! When I saw your comment I realized that somehow we somehow aren’t connected on FB anymore…I need to find you. I am so glad to hear from you. I love that team we had at the elementary school – you all (with that one glaring exception) were extraordinary. Thank you for everything you did for us, truly. ♥️

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