Backseat Driver

March 7, 2019 at 12:04 am Leave a comment

C gets released in just two short weeks. It’s hard to believe seven months have gone by – on one hand it seems like the blink of an eye, but when I look at everything that we have accomplished in that time it seems to spread out a bit more.

I seem to have attained a more Zen-like level of calm, but as tasks related to C’s return pile up, I see chinks in that armor. I quickly remembered how much work just goes into managing all things C. Today I spent a couple of hours finding an attorney for our application of guardianship, making an appointment with his psychiatrist, setting up an appointment for his evaluation for para-transit, signing up for city bus training, researching how to switch him from Institutional to regular Medicaid, and communicating with his school about re-enrollment.

I’m left wondering how people with less skills and pushiness navigate the system while simultaneously being frustrated at the challenges of navigating said system. It all adds up to one thing: stress. C has been someone else’s responsibility for seven months, during which time I have enjoyed the fact that no one needs me for their survival in this world.

Then I wonder if I’m over-estimating my own importance in C’s life. The fact is, this kiddo has done something I can scarcely imagine; he has navigated residential treatment with nothing short of great success. He has gone from being an only child to having three roommates. He has joined the basketball team. He has gotten straight As in school. He has been selected as Resident Adviser for his wing. He has survived and thrived in an environment that causes most people to shudder when thinking about it.

Perhaps when C comes home he will be more grown up, more responsible, and more ready to take control of his own life. Perhaps that will enable me to step back and watch a bit more, allowing me to continue to cultivate the joy I have found in my freedom to live my own life. Somehow we’ll have to reintegrate into each other’s lives, but I hope that we can do that while maintaining the boundaries I need in order to survive in his world.

Maybe, just maybe, we are both ready to take more of a backseat in each other’s lives.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , .

Easy like Sunday morning If You’re Happy and You Know It

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