All in a Day

March 25, 2019 at 12:49 am 3 comments

Last night, I sat on our bed in the dark, alone in the house. I listened to the silence and felt the lack of “vibration,” for lack of a better word, in our home. Recognizing that it would be the last time I would experience that for some time, I reveled in the sensory deprivation.

I spent the day yesterday finishing a painting I started five years ago. In a few weeks, I turn 50 years old, and to celebrate I made a list of 50 things I want to do in my 50th year. Finishing this paining was high up on the list. Unlike writing, which I tend to do when something is bothering me, I have to be happy to paint. I figured finishing this painting, which now hangs above our bed, would be a feather in my happy cap. It will forever remind me to find my happiness if I lose it again.

C is home now. He and Hubs arrived home early this afternoon. For whatever reason, I felt weepy all day. My pain levels have been high (probably just as much about the crazy positions I get into when painting as anything else as I paint on the floor), and I’m tired despite sleeping well last night. I think there’s been a whole lot more going on in the background of my head space than I realized. 

But we all made it through the day intact, and for now, that is enough.

Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , .

All By Myself Tears and Fears

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Scott Baird  |  March 26, 2019 at 10:20 am

    And thus a new chapter has begun….
    And, as usual, you have prepared yourself admirably.
    Humor has encapsulated much more of my outlook in these retirement years; and I am reminded of some advice my youngest brother once gave me:
    “Work out a plan, Scottie. But don’t plan on it working out.”

    • 2. asdmommy  |  March 27, 2019 at 11:23 pm

      I like that advice and find it true to life. I was just in my therapist’s office today saying I felt sorely unprepared for C to come home based on how I’ve reacted thus far. It’s been tough. Not because of him, but because I’ve gotten so used to a house without that vibration in it…

  • 3. Becky  |  April 5, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    Darcy, I’ve told you before that my heart is with you. I wish that there were words that I could say or things that I could do that might help, but sad to say that’s not the way things go in the real world. You are doing the things within your control, that you can do to take care of yourself and thus take care of C. I pray that things will get easier for you all over time, but if it isn’t to be like that I pray for strength as you search for the answer that might work .


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