What is “What We Need?”

     I used to say “God never gives you more than you can handle.” And, in the way that people we spend only the briefest amount of time with can sometimes do, an acquaintance profoundly changed my mindset. I was talking with a woman one day who responded to my sentiment about what God gives us by saying, “No, God gives us what we need.”

     What a powerful statement. I still haven’t figured out how it applies to me exactly, but I’m on the watch (and receive clues) for it daily.

     Husband and I have a 7 year old with high functioning autism. He is an extraordinary child to say the least. Parenting him has been nothing like I thought parenting would be – in happy ways and in challenging ones as well.

     Welcome to our journey.






13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Julie @ A Celebration Of Our JOurney  |  October 3, 2008 at 4:16 am

    Oh, I love this! I think I understand what you mean. I think both thoughts are true. God doesn’t give me more than I can handle… but I see more and more each day, that I need my son with Autism just as much as he needs me. It’s a wonderful thing, really.

    All the best,

  • 2. Sheila  |  October 5, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Hi Darcy!

    What perfect timing it was for me to come to this page! I needed to be reminded that God gives us what we need, because without that reminder, I don’t know if I would have been able to relax enough to get away from my computer and get the rest that my body needs by having some sleep tonight.

    I was stuck feeling upset by someone being malicious to me and God knew your page here would help me get unstuck!

    God bless you,

    Glad you found me. I haven’t commented lately, and it must’ve been kizmet that your post itched me to do so, and then you tracked back here!

    And regarding the malicious thing, I just don’t get that. What is wrong with people??? I hope you are able to brush it off (easier said than done; I am wayyyyyyyy too sensitive and am unable to do that) and move on.

  • 3. Thanking  |  April 26, 2009 at 1:16 am

    There are no accidents.

    Looking forward to reading your posts,

    Mom of an amazing gift who is 8 yrs old with high functionning Autism.

  • 4. Bek  |  June 15, 2009 at 9:06 am

    Found your blog the other day!

    Wonderful writing! Love the C-isms.
    Happy to know we are not the only ones living with this- and that our guy isn’t the only kiddo like this making such a positive impact on the the world!
    Giant hugs!
    Happy I found you!

  • 5. Marcy  |  August 21, 2009 at 8:02 am


    I have been reading your posts for several months and I am constantly blown away by how much your situation and thoughts mirror my own. Your writing is like poetry and you truly make me feel like there are indeed others out there who understand!

    I am a mother of 2 children both diagnosed with ASD. My 8 yr old son sounds alot like your “C” and my 3 year old daughter, while having the same deficiencies, is in a completely different exterior package. Life has indeed given me “what I need”, and each day I learn more and more about “what I need” and what is really important in my life.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. Whether you realize it or not, you are touching other people’s lives!


  • 6. Nicole  |  October 4, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    I also have a son with high functioning aspergers, he is 6 and a half years old. I also suffer fron anxiety and depression so as you could imagine life gets pretty difficult at times. I see my son as a true gift from god, the way his brain works amazes me every day. I am lucky as his school only has 12 children so he works at his own level not grade as he does year 3 maths and is on level 23 reading. He is also watched closely as there are only the 12 kids.Yet i wonder what will happen when we go to a larger school and he’ll probably become another number? Its good to read your stories with similar aspects thankyou – Nicky

  • 7. syankow  |  January 18, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    I’ve enjoyed reading through various posts on your blog. I also used to say “God never gives us more than we can handle”, but I’ve changed my way of thinking….I’m pretty sure God always gives us way more than we can handle and then, as your friend said, He gives us what we need to get through. Hallelujah!

    I spent many years working with severely autistic adults and now am at the stage in life where I have friends who have children with asperger’s, Down’s or other diagnoses that change their lives, their dreams, their experiences (both in good ways and challenging ways, as you mentioned!). I appreciate reading about your family’s journey.

  • 8. abbyschrad  |  February 20, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    I don’t know whether you check new comments on really old posts, but I figured I’d leave one anyway.

    I just read your blog and wanted to touch base. My 4 year old was premature, too (I have no idea what C’s gestational age was when he was born, but Hallie was a 23 weeker). We kept getting the ‘she’ll do stuff when she does stuff’ line and all of that BS about catching up by age 2 (then 3) but knew something was up, too, when she had no words at age 2 (and never babbled). We chased a diagnosis, which like C’s is HFA, but we also have questions about how well it fits on some days (on some days, it fits great, and on others makes no sense). Like C, Hallie has issues with eating–pretty severe ones.

    It’s heartening to see how well C. is doing (even though he continues to generate grey hairs and all) and how great you guys are doing, too.

    Anyway, I was struck by those commonalities and just wanted to say hi. Visit us at blogginghallie.blogspot.com if you have the chance and inclination.

  • 9. fiona2107  |  June 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm


    I have been nodding all the way through these words of wisdom!

    And I have always had trouble personally with the “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle ” statement.
    Partly because the bible doesn’t actually say that anywhere- it actually says God will not allow you to be “tempted” beyond what you can bear.
    Because if he did in fact not give us anything we can’t “handle”, then there would be no need for us to call on God 🙂
    You hit the nail on the head perfectly by saying that God gives us what we need. And I think “what we need” is “grace” and “mercy” because we need a bucket full of both to raise these gorgeous children don’t we!

  • 10. Ashley T  |  January 23, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Hi Darcy
    My name is Ashley and I found your blog through Trish’s Another Piece of the Puzzle blog. My husband is currently researching ASD in children for his PhD in clinical psychology. I was wondering if you would be willing to help with this research by filling out a quick online survey. If you are, thank you so much for you help, the survey can be found at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ASDStudy
    Thanks again Darcy – hope you had a good weekend

  • 11. Alienhippy  |  March 31, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Hi, I’m just having a look around bloggyland and I came across your blog. I don’t read too many blogs. I’m dyslexic and a very slow reader. But I like what you write. I will add you to my blogroll and pop by when I can.
    Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂

  • 12. tiredmamaintraining  |  April 17, 2019 at 2:07 am

    Hi! I have been reading your blog again lately. (I used to be a regular.) We are at the point of residential care for our son. We have been struggling so hard for so long. I am a worn out and broken person at this point. I am scared and terrified, yet excited and hopeful all at the same time. I feel so wrong feeling so many mixed emotions about something we never would have thought we would have had to consider at this age. Thank you for sharing your journey. I feel less alone.

    • 13. asdmommy  |  April 17, 2019 at 6:47 pm

      I so get those feelings. It was the hardest and perhaps best decision we ever made. It was temporary, and we knew it was going in, but it was good for all of us. Now if we could just figure out where to go from here…I read your most recent post yesterday – I hope you figure out something that works for you all. 💙

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