Posts tagged ‘mental health treatment’

Wild Child

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

Someone I trust more than most recently told me I am a completely different person than I was two years ago when we met. Entrenched in anger, sadness, grief, and frustration, I was miserable. I was coming off the end of cancer treatment, suffering with significant nerve damage and body image issues from the surgery, and trying to manage all things C. No easy tasks on that list.

I ruminated on that statement for a day or two, and I realized something. I’m back. Back to me, my old self, and the happy, adventurous wild woman that I used to be. It looks different now than it did in my 20s, when I would (stupidly) take off alone in my jeep with nothing but a forest service map and some munchies. In my late 40s, adventure to me looks more like being vulnerable, taking on an exciting new job, and speaking my truth. Writing. Engaging. Sharing secrets. Asking for what I want and need.

This journey for me really started with C. Not *that* C, but the Cancer-C. It was the wake up call I needed, it seems. “Hey!” it screamed. “Your life could be over. Is this all there is, is this all you want?” And in the most cliche movie-moment ever, I realized the answer to both those questions was no.

That same someone asked me back then if nothing changed in my life, could I find a way to be happy? I remember groaning at that question, and I probably rolled my eyes. But over time, I realized I had to figure out a way to make that answer into a “yes,” and the solution to that was all me. Not that much has changed – my health still challenges me, and C most definitely still challenges me. Yet I am in a much better place.

The journey here has been full of ups and downs, and I know it will continue to be. But I most definitely know what I want to do with my one wild and precious life, and it is exactly what I am doing.

December 23, 2018 at 4:19 pm Leave a comment

Trouble in the Water

C’s issues have almost always manifested at home instead of anywhere else, really. On one hand, I have been grateful for that because teachers, babysitters, habilitation workers have all loved him. I remember the first time he got in trouble in preschool -everyone was so excited that he finally did something they deemed normal.

On the other hand, the fact that his issues exist at home is cause for concern about the family dynamic. I have always known we were doing *something* wrong that was making C’s behavior worse, more explosive, and more troublesome. That may have been true to some extent in that we, by reacting to his behaviors, reinforced them. We have stopped that for the most part, yet the behaviors still continued. Cue the sigh of relief that it’s not all our fault.

Yet one place C has done remarkably well is in treatment facilities. He has been in the acute care hospital four times in the last two years, and he is always discharged with comments like, “We see no real issues, and he has behaved perfectly well during his time here.” It got to the point where, on his third “episode,” we waited in the ER for nearly 24 hours before the acute care hospital would admit him, despite there being no other option for placement. They attributed his behaviors to behavioral problems instead of mental health problems. I could see where they were going with this, but when my kid is wielding a knife threatening to harm himself, I don’t really care what’s at the root of the behavior, I just want him to get help.

His time at his residential treatment facility has been no different. We’ve already had one of his therapists express disbelief at him being there at all. We are used to that, although I still find it annoying, as if there is some flaw in the therapist that he can’t see past the happy, agreeable front C puts on. Therapist NC here at home promised us we would get a call at some point saying C was in trouble and that it would indicate he had finally settled in and the real work could begin.

The months had gone by and I had resigned myself to this never happening during his entire stay, because let’s face it, C is C and he does things in his own sweet time in his own sweet way, or not at all. But he called us the other night, in enough trouble that if he gets one more strike, he won’t be able to leave campus during the day with us at Christmas, and we’ll have to visit with him in the visiting room only. Yikes.

The relative amount of relief I experienced about this was palpable. I texted Therapist NC about this development, knowing he would be one of only a few people who would understand how ridiculously happy – yes, happy – this made me. Because I know that this means C is comfortable. He is comfortable enough to show himself and his behaviors. And that means he can finally get some help.

December 10, 2018 at 6:45 pm 2 comments


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